The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Within

Posted on August 19, 2009 by Carl

Days like today are the places where the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde within me get revealed. We began this day with enough gas in Carol’s van to get the kids to and from school today. I went into town to check the mail for a commission check I was expecting (which wasn’t there). When I got back from town, my motorcycle was nearly on empty. We have a $300 truck payment drafting through our bank account tomorrow and we currently have $6 in the bank. To top it off I awoke with a splitting headache.

I started the morning, by telling the Lord my fears and asking for His strength instead of mine and His trust in Himself to replace my own trust. I found myself at peace once I had prayed these things through and I went about my work, writing articles to promote the business websites.

About 2PM, Carol suggested we put an old twin bed on Craigslist that we had been holding back for Christopher. We learned this weekend, that he would not be needing it. We listed it for $35 ($30 for gas in Carol’s van and $5 for gas in my motorcycle) and within an hour or so we had several emails and a series of phone call from a man who was interested in picking up the bed for his son.

At around 4PM the man showed up, took a quick look at the mattress and box springs and said: “I’m going to pass.” By this time my headache had returned full tilt and the hope of seeing gas money provided for went out the window. Once again I found myself in a downward spiral of doubt, anger, fear, etc… Angry that I had turned down work for obedience; wishing God would find someone else who was stronger than I am to take on this call; and more than anything just wanting some relief.

Carol began to tell me that God would take care of us and everything would be ok. I didn’t want to hear anymore “sunshine and promises from Scripture,” and I told her so. I reminded her that our needs have not been met…how can I even teach others that God will supply all of their needs? We have more bills unpaid and delinquent than we do paid. She asked me what did I really need to see? I told her…people who will not just listen to the burdens of our life, but will actually partner with me month by month, so that I can do this work. I told her I wanted to see some growth in the businesses. I just want to see the bills paid and some sort of forward progress. With my head pounding and my stomach nauseous, I went and laid down.

When I got back up for dinner, Carol said a woman had called asking about the bed. At 8:20 this evening she gave us $35 for the bed. Enough for 2/3 tank of gas in Carol’s van and $5 of gas for my motorcycle. Our need had been met.

I choose to be transparent with you about my fears and my failures, because they are a real part of this church planting journey. Make no mistake, this journey has cost us everything….financially we are destitute, emotionally I am on fumes, and spiritually my greatest battles are the ones within. I press on though…sometimes inching forward with my fingernails, because there is a world out there that needs the hope of Jesus. Even though I give up on Him sometimes, He never gives up on me. Today He used a $35 mattress at 8:20PM to prove it to me.

As embarassed as I am to share some of this with you I realize I am in good company. Listen to the Apostle Paul’s description:

2 Corinthians 1:8 (NASB)
8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;

and Elijah:

1 Kings 19:9-10 (NASB)
9 Then he came there to a cave, and lodged there; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
10 And he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Thy covenant, torn down Thine altars and killed Thy prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”

The battle of the flesh will not end until the day Jesus calls me to His side.

The View from the Street

Posted on June 23, 2009 by Carl

I haven’t been staying too up to date on the blog lately. My mind has been pre-occupied with the concerns and burdens of life. When I returned from Africa, I was greeted a few days later with the news that the small salary I was receiving would no longer be offered. Right now our only income is Carol’s and what few donations we get. I have begun sending resume’s to employers around the area and answering help wanted ads, but so far with no success. I have enough left from cashing out my retirement savings in April to pay our rent for the next 2-3 months, but there is no money for anything else. Carol and I are currently praying about which things we let go of. I find myself telling God that my trust is fickle. I trust Him with eternity, but for some reason I struggle to trust Him with our well being. Bare cupboards and empty gas tanks have a way of revealing what is really inside of you.

The past 4 Junes have been very painful times for me. In June of 2006, I informed my church leaders that I felt the Lord was telling me it was time to move on. They received this news with an offer of their own….cutting my salary in half. In June of 2007, I was working to bring a Hispanic house church group into a partnership with the church I pastored. I spent most of June being called many unkind things and being accused of giving away “our church.” In June of 2008, the Lord called me to a week of silence, really a modern day equivalent of sack cloth and ashes. Daniel chapter 9 was the focal point of the week and by the time the week was over the Lord had me deliver the most devastating call to repentance I have ever spoken or heard. Now we come to this year…I gave up on making ends meet several months ago. I’m just asking the Lord to give me some guidance and to arrest the fear within me.

On the streets near Simplicity things are beginning to happen. Normally the things I described above are directly proportional to God’s activity somewhere else in my life and this period of life is no exception.

4 weeks ago we began an open prayer time on Tuesday nights. We placed two bright posterboard signs on our front windows with the simple question: “How can we pray for you?” 3 weeks ago as we were preparing for Sunday morning worship, a man ran across the street from the auto repair shop. He pointed at the sign and said “I need to find an apartment today.” We prayed over this man, Eddie was his name, and just as quickly as he entered, he departed.

2 weeks ago we found an envelope in our mailbox, addressed to the Simplicity Prayer Group. In this prayer request a woman cried out for deliverance for her husband from physical, emotional and financial strain.

This past Thursday as we were having our Organic Group, a disheveled man walked in off of the street. He smelled of alcohol and his request was the common request for the area…money. I spoke to him for a few minutes and offered to feed him, but I asked to pray for him first. The Lord led me to place a hand on his should and one on his chest. As I prayed over the pain in his life, the tears began to flow. The Lord began to release the pain in Kevin’s life. Kevin is still out on the streets, but he has been stirred by the touch of the Lord.

On Sundays we set out 5 gallon cooler of ice water and some donuts or other snacks for people to freely take. This last Sunday I watched as a woman walked up and took the whole box of donuts and all of the snacks, leaving none for anyone else. She stuffed them into her trash bag and talking out loud as she went immediately walked across the street. A few moments later, I saw her headed the other direction, the trash bag was now gone, but she was carrying “her box of donuts.”

We are seeing the effects of spiritual walls that permeate this neighborhood. It is our prayer that the walls come down, the eyes come open and Holy Spirit rains down.

I Really Want to Know More About Jesus

Posted on April 6, 2009 by Carl

All I can say is that God is awesome! His power is incredible! How I got to have a front row seat, is beyond me…I’m just glad to be here! Let me give you the highlight reel:

Our house guest today was floored, astounded (insert any other appropriate word here), because she realized late this afternoon that she had not had a cigarette in over 30 hours, and she had not even had the craving for one.
Today she was watching a video series of the Gospel of John that we have. She was holding up the box saying: “I really want to know more about Jesus.” I told her that He wanted her to know more about Him also. Startled, she looked at us and said: “Did I say that out loud?” The overflow of a heart touched by the love of Jesus is a beautiful thing.
Tonight she asked Carol to read scripture to her as she went to sleep

We also felt her pain as she talked to loved ones and learned that her daughter had recently spent time in jail. The enemy tried to overwhelm her with hopelessness, but the Lord brought comfort through her tears. I challenged her to be the demonstration to her children of how God can turn a person’s life around.

Tomorrow I will be meeting with two fellow ministers from the area to discuss how our ministry neighborhood can be set free by Jesus, and how He wants to use us in that process.

The weekend in review

Posted on March 29, 2009 by Carl

Yesterday several of us returned to South Bluff Park. The need to return for more ministry in this park was laid heavily on the heart of one of our ladies. She ended up being ill and unable to make it, but she lovingly prepared sandwiches for the hungry wanderers who frequent the area. Others who participated provided chips, drinks and a desire to let Christ be seen in their lives.

Our time in the park was a time of contrast. We met and prayed with folks like Adam, Will, Smiley and Jenny. Each one with a unique story. As we were praying and serving one group of people, 100 yards away another group actively utilized the men’s restroom for illicit activities that involved a steady stream of customers. As we took note of the contrast, we asked the Lord to pierce the darkness with the light of His love.

Yesterday was also a day of provisions for my family. A check was received that will allow us to pay one or two bills. Money was also received that covered the cost of a month’s supply of my medications. When we returned home an envelope was found in our mailbox with the following words: “You have been on my mind lately and I felt that you might need this.” Inside the envelope was a gift card to a local grocery store. Last night we welcomed friends into our home to celebrate with us our ability to call a place home after 2 1/2 years. The provisions for the meal came from friends and the fish caught on our wedding anniversary. At the end of the night we were blessed with our latest need…toothpaste and an additional package of toilet paper.

Today during our Sunday worship gathering, we were treated to the gift of music as the Holy Spirit led us through songs about God’s faithfulness and the firm foundation of His presence. He allowed us to sing a new song that a couple of teenagers had written after a church camp nearly 6 years ago. The Lord’s presence was strongly felt throughout the morning.

This afternoon, I received a call from a man in Rockport. He had seen our ad on Craigslist for the house church we are working to launch on Padre Island. This man has worshiped in a house setting since 1971 and recently moved to Rockport. He and I agreed to work together with Holy Spirit’s guidance to form a group in his home.

Through all of these things the Lord has continued to affirm the decisions made on Wednesday. My efforts of laying a financial foundation had caused me to neglect the very call that they were meant to support. The Lord is helping me to define a proper balance in my life. The work of the Kingdom is much to0 important and the time is much too short. This week I will be seeking to further clarify God’s balance for vocation and ministry.

The journey of faith is a crescendo as the house payment is due in two days and there are still bills in arrears and needing to be paid. The lesson of this past week has been the power of God to maintain joy and peace even when circumstances are not in your favor. I find that this critical place is refining me in ways that can only be described as tremendous.

My late friend Daniel Trickey made a sign for me nearly a decade ago that has hung in my office ever since. The sign simply says “Tumultuous to Tremendous.”

Desolate Places

Posted on March 22, 2009 by Carl

About 6 weeks ago, the Lord began to speak to me through several people of lonely times ahead. The main thrust of the message was along these lines: “Even if it is just you, keep pressing on and don’t give up.” I am so thankful that the Lord was preparing me for such a time as this.

In these last 6 weeks I have seen people move on from our ministry, I have had others act as though they never even knew me and my greatest well of strength was capped off and sealed. Financial deadlines have come and gone with no answers revealed and everything I have set my hand to could best be described as barren and lacking in fruitfulness.

Sounds pretty dismal doesn’t it? It certainly is not much fun, but it would have been much worse without the warning.

A few days ago, I was really struggling as I watched a financial deadline come and go without deliverance for the need. I often discuss that in my life God tends to operate on the 11:59:59 principle…arriving at the last second, but right on time. This time however, there was no deliverance…the deadline came and went. So I retreated to a quiet place and poured my heart out to the Lord. His instruction to me…go to the beach.

As I followed the Lord’s prompting, I drove to the Padre Island National Seashore. I parked my truck, kicked off my shoes and began walking along the water line. After nearly 45 minutes of walking began to see a figure in the distance that I at first thought was a radio antenna. As I drew closer I found that what I had been seeing was not a radio antenna, but a barren tree. Actually it wasn’t even a barren tree, but instead was a 12 foot tree limb that had been planted in the sand.

Under normal circumstances, this tree limb would not even be noticed. In fact, it would be dismissed because it was barren and distressed; however, on the seashore this tree limb is magnetic. It is the only thing standing for miles of shoreline, and because of that distinction you are drawn to it. You find yourself wondering what it is, and on closer inspection you find that it has been planted in the sand.

As I looked at this scene the Lord began to speak to me about my circumstances. He pointed out that my life is much like that branch. He has planted me in a place of isolation and loneliness where my life becomes magnified to all who see it. The sight of a man standing under such difficult circumstances draws them closer. As they come closer they see the establishing work of God taking place in my life. If I had been planted in a lush, fertile environment, God’s work in my life might be overlooked; however, it is through my unique presence in such a barren place that His work become prominent.

I must admit, I didn’t at first find much peace in those words…in fact, they were somewhat difficult to hear. Then the Lord showed me something else. He had me turn around and look out at the waves as they came ashore. He had me take note of the pelicans flying over the water and the crabs in the sand. He reminded me that this sad looking tree had something no other tree had…a front row seat to the beauty of the Gulf and all that comes with it.

This morning, Mike led us through the transfiguration. The Lord again spoke to me some deep truths during this time. The two men who appeared with Jesus were Moses and Elijah…two men who knew what it meant to go it alone. We speculated as to what the conversation might have been, and I felt impressed that some of it was a reminder that the path of glory often includes extended visits to desolate places.

That’s what it is all about

Posted on November 3, 2008 by Carl

As I mentioned before, the highlight of our first service was knowing that a 4 year old little boy was having his first encounter with the body of Christ. Today my highlight was hearing the impression this contact made on the young man. The following is an excerpt from an email I received from his grandmother today:

Little Jason and I went on to see his Dad and he was so excited, he kept telling his dad he went to Church and the Pastor made him Big..You may not realize but you are the only positive male influence this child has ever known.

We are called to be the body of Christ. Jesus wants to be love others through us with His perfect love. It is amazing what He will do if we will simply get out of the way.

Today Mike and I attended a pastor’s prayer conference where I spoke with about my journey with the Lord this past 2 years. The Lord was moving throughout the day and continued to bring us back to the themes of simplicity, lordship and His renovation of the American church. Several of the pastors were moved by God’s presence as He illuminated each of our lives.

Journey To Simplicity