Untangling the Mess

As those closest to me know, I love to be near the water with a fishing rod in hand.  To me there are few things more relaxing than being out on a sunny day, listening to the birds and catching a few fish.   One of the most important things I have for these times is my tackle box.   Within this box are lures, bobbers, leaders, sinkers and hooks of every size, shape and color imaginable.    

Unfortunately in the bottom of my tackle box is also a “rat’s nest” of rattling floats that have become hopelessly intertwined with each other.   A few weeks ago after nearly an hour’s worth of tracing one line with my finger I was finally able to free one of the 5 floats; however, the rest is still a tangled mess.

Today my thoughts are much like my tackle box.   There are some areas of my thoughts that are fairly organized, close to the top and easy to grab a hold.   On the other hand, I am also finding many areas that are tangled and difficult to follow today.   

As I mentioned in my last post, I am at a place right now, where I am backed against the wall and beyond my means of rectifying.   This time the situation has been different, as the financial deadlines have come and gone.  The provisions I have come to expect at just the right time, didn’t arrive this time.   I now find myself in a place of financial delinquency and uncertain of the answers.   

A few nights ago, the Lord had me wrestle with the question:  “Will you be content and at peace, even if the bills remain past due?”  “Will you be content and at peace, even if the collection calls begin to come?” “Will you be content and at peace, even if…?”   My immediate answer was NO!   This is my reputation, my credit, my character we’re talking about; however, the Lord reminded me that dead men are not troubled over such things.    Before it was all over I found myself saying these words:  “Lord if where you have me today is a place of delinquency and no provisions are to come…I’m ok, because it is the place you have called me to.  Change my view of the circumstances around me, so that I am truly content, no matter what state I am in.”  Those words are much easier said than lived out.   

I have also been trying to untangle my role these days.  My calling is a call to raise up those who will take the gospel around the world, teaching them the truth of God’s word and encouraging them in the faith.   Right now I also have the role of  “commercial minister” in the marketplace of America.   This role has come about through the need to care for my family, but I have yet to see fruit in these endevours (as is evidenced by my current state of affairs).   At the same time the Lord has been removing many of those who walk closest to me, during these difficult times.   This is truly a time of walking alone with the Lord.

As I have been praying and others have been praying with me, a couple of things have been said:

  1. To stand firm in faith
  2. To go to all kingdoms of earth and proclaim His word
  3. Release

So here’s were the tangled mess of thoughts all come into play.  Each of these could be applied and interperted many different ways in my life.   Here’s what I think I understand, but I’ve been known to be way off base before too:

  1. These are lean and lonely times…the kind of times when the enemy comes calling with his latest book 101 reasons why you should give up.   Standing firm in faith means pressing on, even when you don’t see where the road is leading, looking with eyes that are not your own and trusting nothing beyond what is revealed to you.
  2. My greatest influence is not in my own backyard, but on the other side of the world.  Pastors in India and Uganda have sought me ought for the past few years and the Lord uses me to inspire and strengthen them in powerful ways that are absolutely mind blowing.  I am scheduled to be in Kenya and Uganda in about 7-8 weeks.  A trip that I have thus far raised $100 towards, but yet know I need to be there.   
  3. Everything in my life has to be held with an open hand…nothing is allowed to be mine.  What I have been given I merely have stewardship of for the moment.  Included in these things are things like my monthly bills…they are now obligations of my Father, I need to learn how to hold them as His child.

The tangles come in with the roles of my life and the principles that are so deeply engrained within me.  For example:  I work hard to try and support my family, because they are my primary ministry.  Yet the work of my hands does not prosper and in the long run I end up letting the “Kingdom” things go.   My reputation amongst men taints the way they see my Heavenly Father, if I am not living up to my obligations…   These are the things tying up my mind at the moment.

Tonight I fnd myself asking the Lord for wisdom in multiples and an illumination of my understanding.

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