You may have noticed that the intervals between my posts has increased.  Life has gotten hectic; therefore, updating the blog has taken a back seat to other things.   In the past few weeks we’ve celebrated Christmas, had Christopher home, had Christopher’s girlfriend visit, launched new business ventures and prepared Elishba for her return journey to India.

This past weekend for me was difficult.  The Lord continues to mold and shape me in ways that are excruciatingly painful at times.   This weekend we learned that our 6th attempt at finding a place of residence in Corpus Christi was down the tubes…now because I don’t have a verifiable salary, weekly paycheck, etc….   This wasn’t a big surprise, when I was a loan officer I didn’t approve loans like that either.     My greater challenge came from the question of why, for the past 2 years, we have been unable to get settled.  There is always something that stops us dead in our tracks.

So the questions began to whirl in our minds…are we even doing the right thing?  One negative thought lead to the next and before long I was ready to throw in the towel, definitely not pretty.   One of my advisers keenly observed that I needed full-time employment, another said I needed to trust God as my source, another said not to lose hope I was sowing seed for the future.

In the days of preparing to leave the church this past fall, I had sent out over 40 resume’s without so much as a nibble.  The only job offer I received was to run a children’s day care program in Florida.   It was during that time the Lord showed Carol and I that He wanted us to live by faith.   Towards the beginning of December, He showed me the next piece, starting Simplicity Solutions and off to the races we went.  I’m currently in the beginning stages of that process, with expenses outrunning profit for the moment.   God has provided every step of the way, the bills are paid and the refrigerator stocked, but in the fog of the moment, I wasn’t seeing that picture anymore.   I just saw no current solutions and many current obligations.

Saturday, we went to see a friend who has offered us space in his home if things were to get really dire.   While we were there, he asked me the question God had been waiting for….”how are you?”   That was all it took to open the flood gates and the tears began to flow.   I poured out my heart to him and even admitted that I didn’t know if really trusted God.   My friend said something that utterly shocked me…he said, “that’s great, you are right where you need to be.”   He elaborated by reminding me of a stormy night when the disciples didn’t trust Jesus anymore.  You see, Jesus was asleep and they were in fear of drowning.   When they couldn’t take it anymore they woke Jesus up and admonished him for his lack of concern over their predicament.  My friend then made this profound statement:  “Since Jesus couldn’t calm his disciples down, he calmed the storm instead.”

All of the sudden, I felt my fog begin to break.   I had awoken Saturday morning with a song in my head:  “My deliver is coming, my deliverer is standing by…”  My wife had shared with me that the story of Ruth and Boaz, the kinsmen redeemer, was impressed upon her and wouldn’t you know it as we pulled up to my friend’s house “My deliverer is coming was playing on the radio.”   Between the reminders of my deliverer and my friend’s counsel that I was in a great place, because I was out of trust…I couldn’t muster anymore.   I was out of solutions, because I don’t have any left.   Now is the time that I need to be looking for my deliverer to speak to the storm.  My friend also reminded me that God had already given me His vision for the ministry and the business model, but now it was time to mold me in such a way that those things can become reality.

I can honestly say, I don’t yet see the solutions, but I am once again filled with peace that my deliverer is coming.   Just in case I wasn’t sure of God’s message for me this week, my devotions are covering the name of God, Jehovah Shalom, the God of perfect peace.