The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Within

Posted on August 19, 2009 by Carl

Days like today are the places where the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde within me get revealed. We began this day with enough gas in Carol’s van to get the kids to and from school today. I went into town to check the mail for a commission check I was expecting (which wasn’t there). When I got back from town, my motorcycle was nearly on empty. We have a $300 truck payment drafting through our bank account tomorrow and we currently have $6 in the bank. To top it off I awoke with a splitting headache.

I started the morning, by telling the Lord my fears and asking for His strength instead of mine and His trust in Himself to replace my own trust. I found myself at peace once I had prayed these things through and I went about my work, writing articles to promote the business websites.

About 2PM, Carol suggested we put an old twin bed on Craigslist that we had been holding back for Christopher. We learned this weekend, that he would not be needing it. We listed it for $35 ($30 for gas in Carol’s van and $5 for gas in my motorcycle) and within an hour or so we had several emails and a series of phone call from a man who was interested in picking up the bed for his son.

At around 4PM the man showed up, took a quick look at the mattress and box springs and said: “I’m going to pass.” By this time my headache had returned full tilt and the hope of seeing gas money provided for went out the window. Once again I found myself in a downward spiral of doubt, anger, fear, etc… Angry that I had turned down work for obedience; wishing God would find someone else who was stronger than I am to take on this call; and more than anything just wanting some relief.

Carol began to tell me that God would take care of us and everything would be ok. I didn’t want to hear anymore “sunshine and promises from Scripture,” and I told her so. I reminded her that our needs have not been met…how can I even teach others that God will supply all of their needs? We have more bills unpaid and delinquent than we do paid. She asked me what did I really need to see? I told her…people who will not just listen to the burdens of our life, but will actually partner with me month by month, so that I can do this work. I told her I wanted to see some growth in the businesses. I just want to see the bills paid and some sort of forward progress. With my head pounding and my stomach nauseous, I went and laid down.

When I got back up for dinner, Carol said a woman had called asking about the bed. At 8:20 this evening she gave us $35 for the bed. Enough for 2/3 tank of gas in Carol’s van and $5 of gas for my motorcycle. Our need had been met.

I choose to be transparent with you about my fears and my failures, because they are a real part of this church planting journey. Make no mistake, this journey has cost us everything….financially we are destitute, emotionally I am on fumes, and spiritually my greatest battles are the ones within. I press on though…sometimes inching forward with my fingernails, because there is a world out there that needs the hope of Jesus. Even though I give up on Him sometimes, He never gives up on me. Today He used a $35 mattress at 8:20PM to prove it to me.

As embarassed as I am to share some of this with you I realize I am in good company. Listen to the Apostle Paul’s description:

2 Corinthians 1:8 (NASB)
8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;

and Elijah:

1 Kings 19:9-10 (NASB)
9 Then he came there to a cave, and lodged there; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
10 And he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Thy covenant, torn down Thine altars and killed Thy prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”

The battle of the flesh will not end until the day Jesus calls me to His side.

The View from the Street

Posted on June 23, 2009 by Carl

I haven’t been staying too up to date on the blog lately. My mind has been pre-occupied with the concerns and burdens of life. When I returned from Africa, I was greeted a few days later with the news that the small salary I was receiving would no longer be offered. Right now our only income is Carol’s and what few donations we get. I have begun sending resume’s to employers around the area and answering help wanted ads, but so far with no success. I have enough left from cashing out my retirement savings in April to pay our rent for the next 2-3 months, but there is no money for anything else. Carol and I are currently praying about which things we let go of. I find myself telling God that my trust is fickle. I trust Him with eternity, but for some reason I struggle to trust Him with our well being. Bare cupboards and empty gas tanks have a way of revealing what is really inside of you.

The past 4 Junes have been very painful times for me. In June of 2006, I informed my church leaders that I felt the Lord was telling me it was time to move on. They received this news with an offer of their own….cutting my salary in half. In June of 2007, I was working to bring a Hispanic house church group into a partnership with the church I pastored. I spent most of June being called many unkind things and being accused of giving away “our church.” In June of 2008, the Lord called me to a week of silence, really a modern day equivalent of sack cloth and ashes. Daniel chapter 9 was the focal point of the week and by the time the week was over the Lord had me deliver the most devastating call to repentance I have ever spoken or heard. Now we come to this year…I gave up on making ends meet several months ago. I’m just asking the Lord to give me some guidance and to arrest the fear within me.

On the streets near Simplicity things are beginning to happen. Normally the things I described above are directly proportional to God’s activity somewhere else in my life and this period of life is no exception.

4 weeks ago we began an open prayer time on Tuesday nights. We placed two bright posterboard signs on our front windows with the simple question: “How can we pray for you?” 3 weeks ago as we were preparing for Sunday morning worship, a man ran across the street from the auto repair shop. He pointed at the sign and said “I need to find an apartment today.” We prayed over this man, Eddie was his name, and just as quickly as he entered, he departed.

2 weeks ago we found an envelope in our mailbox, addressed to the Simplicity Prayer Group. In this prayer request a woman cried out for deliverance for her husband from physical, emotional and financial strain.

This past Thursday as we were having our Organic Group, a disheveled man walked in off of the street. He smelled of alcohol and his request was the common request for the area…money. I spoke to him for a few minutes and offered to feed him, but I asked to pray for him first. The Lord led me to place a hand on his should and one on his chest. As I prayed over the pain in his life, the tears began to flow. The Lord began to release the pain in Kevin’s life. Kevin is still out on the streets, but he has been stirred by the touch of the Lord.

On Sundays we set out 5 gallon cooler of ice water and some donuts or other snacks for people to freely take. This last Sunday I watched as a woman walked up and took the whole box of donuts and all of the snacks, leaving none for anyone else. She stuffed them into her trash bag and talking out loud as she went immediately walked across the street. A few moments later, I saw her headed the other direction, the trash bag was now gone, but she was carrying “her box of donuts.”

We are seeing the effects of spiritual walls that permeate this neighborhood. It is our prayer that the walls come down, the eyes come open and Holy Spirit rains down.

In the Presence of Witnesses

Posted on April 2, 2009 by Carl

Today, I found myself wrestling with the question of mycall and my role in it. The Lord has been calling me to focus more attention on the call, but I have been fearful that because of our current difficult circumstances, I was being neglectful in my role as a father and husband.

This morning I was ministered to by a council of Godly co-laborers. One dear brother, as he was leaving looked at me and said: “1 Peter 5:10.” One of the other men asked, “Why did he say that to you?” I responded, “We’re about to find out…”

1 Peter 5:10 (NASB)

10 And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

We then began to talk about our yoking to Jesus and how our burdens are lessened as we work in tandem with Him. Another man then shared a story of a friend who followed the Lord’s direction, but continued to miss what he thought he was looking for. It was pointed out that faithfulness and obedience was what the Lord was seeking…not the completion of a task. Many times the difficult places and circumstances we find ourselves in are not due to bad choices, sin or any other heinous action. The real reason we find ourselves in that place is because we have simply followed Jesus there.

Over the course of the afternoon, I found my resolve being wishy-washy. Carol began to speak to me about the refinement process and its preparation of my life for the things ahead, but she emphasized my calling and my work were already clearly defined. During our Organic Group tonight, I asked “Where do you most need to experience the powerful presence of God in your life tonight?” Carol’s answer once again returned to the refinement process and call of our previous conversation. Carol asked the Lord to empower me with a committed Spirit that would not waver under an adversity to the work He has already laid before me.

As we spent a few moments in silence, I was reminded of Elisha:

1 Kings 19:19-21 (NASB)

19 So he departed from there and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, while he was plowing with twelve pairs of oxen before him, and he with the twelfth. And Elijah passed over to him and threw his mantle on him.

20 And he left the oxen and ran after Elijah and said, “Please let me kiss my father and my mother, then I will follow you.” And he said to him, “Go back again, for what have I done to you?”

21 So he returned from following him, and took the pair of oxen and sacrificed them and boiled their flesh with the implements of the oxen, and gave it to the people and they ate. Then he arose and followed Elijah and ministered to him.

It was very clear to me as the old hymn says: “I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back.” With this prompting from the Lord I made a public commitment to throw myself wholeheartedly into the task He has given me and to discontinue asking about other “work.” The Lord impressed upon me that I needed to have the group annoint my head with oil and pray over me in affirmation of this commitment.

By the way, today’s miraculous provision was the bed of my pickup full of groceries while I was praying with the council of Godly men.

Desolate Places

Posted on March 22, 2009 by Carl

About 6 weeks ago, the Lord began to speak to me through several people of lonely times ahead. The main thrust of the message was along these lines: “Even if it is just you, keep pressing on and don’t give up.” I am so thankful that the Lord was preparing me for such a time as this.

In these last 6 weeks I have seen people move on from our ministry, I have had others act as though they never even knew me and my greatest well of strength was capped off and sealed. Financial deadlines have come and gone with no answers revealed and everything I have set my hand to could best be described as barren and lacking in fruitfulness.

Sounds pretty dismal doesn’t it? It certainly is not much fun, but it would have been much worse without the warning.

A few days ago, I was really struggling as I watched a financial deadline come and go without deliverance for the need. I often discuss that in my life God tends to operate on the 11:59:59 principle…arriving at the last second, but right on time. This time however, there was no deliverance…the deadline came and went. So I retreated to a quiet place and poured my heart out to the Lord. His instruction to me…go to the beach.

As I followed the Lord’s prompting, I drove to the Padre Island National Seashore. I parked my truck, kicked off my shoes and began walking along the water line. After nearly 45 minutes of walking began to see a figure in the distance that I at first thought was a radio antenna. As I drew closer I found that what I had been seeing was not a radio antenna, but a barren tree. Actually it wasn’t even a barren tree, but instead was a 12 foot tree limb that had been planted in the sand.

Under normal circumstances, this tree limb would not even be noticed. In fact, it would be dismissed because it was barren and distressed; however, on the seashore this tree limb is magnetic. It is the only thing standing for miles of shoreline, and because of that distinction you are drawn to it. You find yourself wondering what it is, and on closer inspection you find that it has been planted in the sand.

As I looked at this scene the Lord began to speak to me about my circumstances. He pointed out that my life is much like that branch. He has planted me in a place of isolation and loneliness where my life becomes magnified to all who see it. The sight of a man standing under such difficult circumstances draws them closer. As they come closer they see the establishing work of God taking place in my life. If I had been planted in a lush, fertile environment, God’s work in my life might be overlooked; however, it is through my unique presence in such a barren place that His work become prominent.

I must admit, I didn’t at first find much peace in those words…in fact, they were somewhat difficult to hear. Then the Lord showed me something else. He had me turn around and look out at the waves as they came ashore. He had me take note of the pelicans flying over the water and the crabs in the sand. He reminded me that this sad looking tree had something no other tree had…a front row seat to the beauty of the Gulf and all that comes with it.

This morning, Mike led us through the transfiguration. The Lord again spoke to me some deep truths during this time. The two men who appeared with Jesus were Moses and Elijah…two men who knew what it meant to go it alone. We speculated as to what the conversation might have been, and I felt impressed that some of it was a reminder that the path of glory often includes extended visits to desolate places.

Out of Gas

Posted on January 12, 2009 by Carl

You may have noticed that the intervals between my posts has increased. Life has gotten hectic; therefore, updating the blog has taken a back seat to other things. In the past few weeks we’ve celebrated Christmas, had Christopher home, had Christopher’s girlfriend visit, launched new business ventures and prepared Elishba for her return journey to India.

This past weekend for me was difficult. The Lord continues to mold and shape me in ways that are excruciatingly painful at times. This weekend we learned that our 6th attempt at finding a place of residence in Corpus Christi was down the tubes…now because I don’t have a verifiable salary, weekly paycheck, etc…. This wasn’t a big surprise, when I was a loan officer I didn’t approve loans like that either. My greater challenge came from the question of why, for the past 2 years, we have been unable to get settled. There is always something that stops us dead in our tracks.

So the questions began to whirl in our minds…are we even doing the right thing? One negative thought lead to the next and before long I was ready to throw in the towel, definitely not pretty. One of my advisers keenly observed that I needed full-time employment, another said I needed to trust God as my source, another said not to lose hope I was sowing seed for the future.

In the days of preparing to leave the church this past fall, I had sent out over 40 resume’s without so much as a nibble. The only job offer I received was to run a children’s day care program in Florida. It was during that time the Lord showed Carol and I that He wanted us to live by faith. Towards the beginning of December, He showed me the next piece, starting Simplicity Solutions and off to the races we went. I’m currently in the beginning stages of that process, with expenses outrunning profit for the moment. God has provided every step of the way, the bills are paid and the refrigerator stocked, but in the fog of the moment, I wasn’t seeing that picture anymore. I just saw no current solutions and many current obligations.

Saturday, we went to see a friend who has offered us space in his home if things were to get really dire. While we were there, he asked me the question God had been waiting for….”how are you?” That was all it took to open the flood gates and the tears began to flow. I poured out my heart to him and even admitted that I didn’t know if really trusted God. My friend said something that utterly shocked me…he said, “that’s great, you are right where you need to be.” He elaborated by reminding me of a stormy night when the disciples didn’t trust Jesus anymore. You see, Jesus was asleep and they were in fear of drowning. When they couldn’t take it anymore they woke Jesus up and admonished him for his lack of concern over their predicament. My friend then made this profound statement: “Since Jesus couldn’t calm his disciples down, he calmed the storm instead.”

All of the sudden, I felt my fog begin to break. I had awoken Saturday morning with a song in my head: “My deliver is coming, my deliverer is standing by…” My wife had shared with me that the story of Ruth and Boaz, the kinsmen redeemer, was impressed upon her and wouldn’t you know it as we pulled up to my friend’s house “My deliverer is coming was playing on the radio.” Between the reminders of my deliverer and my friend’s counsel that I was in a great place, because I was out of trust…I couldn’t muster anymore. I was out of solutions, because I don’t have any left. Now is the time that I need to be looking for my deliverer to speak to the storm. My friend also reminded me that God had already given me His vision for the ministry and the business model, but now it was time to mold me in such a way that those things can become reality.

I can honestly say, I don’t yet see the solutions, but I am once again filled with peace that my deliverer is coming. Just in case I wasn’t sure of God’s message for me this week, my devotions are covering the name of God, Jehovah Shalom, the God of perfect peace.

At the name of Jesus

Posted on November 14, 2008 by Carl

Philippians 2:9-11 (NASB)
9 Therefore also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE SHOULD BOW, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth,
11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Tonight was an incredible night of seeing the power of Jesus Christ at work through His body. I returned a call from a woman we have been able to minister to since launching Simplicity. Her adult daughter has been in bondage to addiction for many years now and only by the grace of God is still alive today. Today things hit rock bottom for this woman and her daughter, the woman had to make a gut wrenching decision to leave the situation and let her daughter deal with the consequences. She asked if I could come over and pray with her and also indicated that her daughter might be willing to speak with me.

When my wife and I got to the house, the daughter opened the door. Her countenance was dark and tormented. When I asked if she was who I thought she was, she began to say no. It was at this time her mother spoke up and invited us in. The daughter immediately fled to her room and shut the door. She had told her mother that she no longer wanted to speak to me.

After ministering to the mother for a few moments, my wife and I prayed over her in Jesus name. The peace of Jesus began to surround her and she wept as she laid her burdens at His feet. As we were finishing, the Lord prompted me that I needed to lay hands upon her daughter and speak the name of Jesus into her bondage.

I asked her mother, if she would seek permission for me to pray with her daughter. I had her promise that I would not preach, lecture or even ask any questions. The daughter came out and sat down across from me. I asked for permission to anoint her head with oil to set her apart for the Lord’s touch. She gave me permission and I placed my hands upon her and prayed as the Holy Spirit led me to speak. When I was done praying I stepped back, and the daughter’s countenance was visibly transformed. There was a sparkle and life in her eyes and her face was no longer dark, but illuminated. She even began to converse with me declaring her need and desire to once again seek after God.

As soon as my wife and I got in our vehicle to leave, my wife said “I need to tell you something.” She said that as I began to pray she immediately saw the room enveloped in the radiant glory of Jesus’ presence and in the middle of that radiance she recognized the person of Jesus Christ watching over all who were present.

That was exciting enough in itself, but I got to see another display of the power of Christ tonight as well. When I arrived at the home where the Organic Group was meeting tonight the host told me that we needed to pray over the house. He said that his wife had seen a horrific image in her dreams the previous night as the devil tormented her young daughter.

During our Organic Group, the daughter went into the adjacent room and was looking in a drawer when all of the sudden she began to scream. Her mother asked her what was wrong and she said that something had scared her, of course there was nothing in the drawer.

After we had celebrated communion together, the Lord directed us in the following manner. One began to worship in song, one began to read scripture, two began to pray and I anointed the doorposts of each room and spoke in the name of Jesus as the Holy Spirit led me to speak.

As I made my way to the final room of the house it was as though I had walked into a chamber of perfect peace. The others could feel the same change in spirit throughout the house.

We sometimes forget just how much of a battle is waging in the spiritual realm all around us, fortunately for us…”Greater is He who is in me, than he that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)

Journey To Simplicity